Olivia_Hoover | Editor | E-mail
We all stumble upon those difficult moments that are just a part of everyday life. Good thing us dog lovers have a handy sidekick that often acts as a buffer for those situations! Just follow our helpful how-to guide below to become a complete Embarrassment Coach.
1. When your blind date goes horribly wrong and you’re out of there.
Step 1: Check your phone.
Step 2: Taylor Swift’s dramatic face made her “shock”.
Step 3: Tell him you forgot to leave the patio door open and to get home to let your dog out.
The fourth step: quickly! Block his number.
2. When you have unexpected company and your house is a mess.
Step 1: Smile broadly and graciously welcome guests to your humble abode.
Step 2: Distract guests by asking them to take off their shoes.
Step 3: He exclaimed in shock, “Oh my God, it looks like my dog literally just had a terrible moment and destroyed her toys everywhere in a flurry!” Please excuse the mess – this is just the opposite of us!
The fourth step: Secretly smile to yourself at your speed in saving your butt.
3. When you address someone and it turns out that it is someone you do not know.
Step 1: Continue waving and looking at your pup.
Step 2: Quickly whisper a command to your dog under your breath.
Step 3Loudly praise your dog for any behavior he does. Wave, jump, lie down, it doesn’t matter. Just say “Good boy! What a good boy!”
Step 4: walk along as if nothing happened.
4. When the stomach sank into a silent room.
Step 1: Look around and see if anyone notices.
Step 2: If anyone looks at you, they quickly let out a chuckle.
Step 3: He says, “My dear, I must have forgotten to feed Buster again. How foolish of me!”
The fourth step: Head to the kitchen and pretend to feed your dog.
5. Getting hit while waiting for your Uber, bus, taxi, etc.
Step 1: The dog patted his head.
Step 2: Look at your watch.
Step 3: End the awkward conversation by saying, “Oh, look at the time! We’re taking a really long break now. Gotta keep the heart rate up. Let’s go!”
The fourth step: Proceed to quickly walk your dog away from the creepy man.
6. On purpose having toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe.
Step 1: Quickly make sure the toilet paper you’re holding is clean.
Step 2: She gleefully exclaimed, “Oh that darn puppy! Roll our CLEAN toilet paper like it was a toy or something. Now I get off cleaning everything.”
Step 3: Get rid of the toilet paper faster than a dog can devour a hot dog.
7. Getting caught playing hockey from your boss.
Step 1: Whatever you do, act naturally.
Step 2: Greet your boss and tell him your dog caught a cold too (scientifically possible…right?)?
Step 3: Deflect the conversation by saying you’re on your way to get your dog to the vet…in that shopping cart…at the store.
The fourth step: Jog away while coughing and sneezing.
8. When you are invited to something you don’t want to go to at all.
Step 1: Thank the gracious host for your invitation.
Step 2: Check your calendar on your phone or in your planner with an excited smile on your face.
Step 3: Wipe that grin off your face and yell, “OHHH NO….SO sorry I have to do Doggy’s birthday party the other day…maybe next time?”
The fourth step: Delight in the glory that you no longer need to attend the event.
9. Going down the stairs, on the stairs, or simply on the sidewalk…
Step 1: Get fast with grace.
Step 2: State that your dog happened to get trapped between your feet.
Step 3: Pat your dog to make sure he doesn’t get hurt from being “between your feet.”
The fourth step: Move
10. Pushing yourself into a crowded elevator.
Step 1: Look around to see if anyone gives you mean looks.
Step 2: All you need to do is respond to those mean words by saying, “My dog has a bad back and can’t stand stairs. Thank you for your understanding.”
Step 3: Wait for the resounding AWW. The dog may even pat it on the head.
11. When you burst into laughter and no one else is amused.
Step 1: Closing lonely laughter.
Step 2: If anyone looks at you, just tell your dog do something hilarious.
Step 3: Share a fun fact about your dog to redirect people’s attention.
The fourth step: Let people tell you to pet your dog and you will forget everything.
12. Finally, bodily odors. Only longing.
There is only one simple step required: say “The dog was.”
